10 reasons I want Willie Nelson’s 1983 tour bus

If my mom were still alive, she’d no doubt tell me to stay away from places like Craigslist. She would intuitively know that hanging out there would be the equivalent of hanging out at smoker’s corner at my old high school. You might pick up bad habits, you might see something scarring, or somebody else might see you there and decide you were bad.

But if it weren’t for Craigslist, how else would I know that Willie Nelson’s tour bus was for sale?

I can think of 10 reasons why I must have this bus. The fact I don’t need a bus doesn’t matter. This bus was part of Willie Nelson’s very own entourage of buses. The fact it still exists, and wasn’t written off being rolled through a prairie ditch as it rambled between gigs, or jammed under an underpass when the driver lost the “think-we-can-make-it?” bet, is reason enough to want this vehicle. But here are 10 more:

10. It gets 7 mpg (33 L/100 km). There is nothing that says “shove it” to the world of rules and regulations than 7 miles to the gallon. It’s so bad it’s good.

9. It is a 1983 Eagle, and is a far worthier thing to be remembering about 1983 than A Flock of Seagulls. Think about it, Willie looked the same then as he does now. Hell, he probably looked the same when he was 10. If you passed Willie Nelson on the street, you’d yell, “Hey, there’s Willie Nelson!” If you passed the guy from A Flock of Seagulls on the street, you’d yell, well, nothing, because it’d just be some random guy walking down the street.

Button-tufted leather can be enjoyed at the front of the bus.

Button-tufted leather can be enjoyed at the front of the bus.
Supplied, Craigslist

8. It has a button-tufted leather dashboard. This is the same thing your dad has on the bar in his basement, when your mom finally let him take over the space with a pool table and a dart board and a bar fridge. The bar where you swiped booze from when he wasn’t looking, and got sick because you grabbed the first bottle you could reach and it was dark rum and you’ve never drunk dark rum again since. Every time you see button-tufted leather, you wonder why you start feeling faintly nauseated. Now is the time to put that memory to rest, by putting your feet up on Willie’s dash next to the CB and the 8-track.

7. It has a rural mural painted on each side, and a giant bald eagle on the back. Everything about this bus will announce to people you are a real deal cowboy-type person. Whether you’re from Toledo or Toronto, you will board this bus and develop a southern drawl, and no doubt a sudden affinity for pot.

6. The interior features enough red velvet and dark woodwork to send out a subtle message of beer drinking saloon with a hint of brothel. If this was in any other vehicle, you might think it would seem tacky, but I defy you to lounge back against that bolstered velvet, listen to Willie sing Crazy and tell me it doesn’t all work. I wouldn’t have been surprised to see swinging saloon doors on it, and would have considered paying more if I’d found them.

5. That ad says it sleeps eight “depending.” Usually when you see “depending” in reference to sleeping arrangements, it means “depending” if grandma comes or not. I’m going to say “depending” means something very different in this scenario.

The bus can seat up to eight people

The bus can seat up to eight people “depending.” Depending on what exactly? We don’t know.
Supplied, Craigslist

4. They only want $29,000 for it. Bids spiraled quickly, but they priced it according to what similar buses were worth. I don’t think the owner thought as highly of Willie Nelson as I do.

3. This ad is steeped in code. The next time you hear Willie sing If You’ve Got the Money, I’ve Got the Time, that means he knows you purchased this ride and will be joining you shortly.

2. See all that red velvet? No way could someone have thoroughly checked out all the nooks and crannies. I guarantee you there are headbands jammed in there, somewhere.

1. Willie is known to be a laid back kind of guy. Mostly, he’s known to be stoned more often than not. My master plan would be to drive this bus to wherever he’s playing and park it. When Willie emerges, he’s highly likely to recognize it and come ambling over. I think he ambles. With a little luck, it will be a concert where Kris Kristofferson shows up. We will toast Johnny Cash and Waylon Jennings, and talk about the good old days.

My bus sold a few hours ago for $80,000. It appears I’ll be getting all my mileage in the pretending. Sorry, Willie. Guess I’m going to have to wait to be on the road again.

In true Willie Nelson form, a majestic eagle mural adorns the back of the bus.

In true Willie Nelson form, a majestic eagle mural adorns the back of the bus.
Supplied, Craigslist

Original Ad Due to the extremely high demand and the amount of offers being thrown at us for this bus. We have decided to take offers all the way to 12:00 AM Central 5/3/2014 for this bus. We are planning to sell this bus this weekend. The current offer is $36,000 at this moment. As of 10:07am Central this morning. Feel free to contact via Call, Text, or Email. If no one answers we will try to get back to you ASAP

1983 Eagle Bus

Engine 92 Detroit Diesel
Transmission Automatic
Generator 15kW Diesel Generator
The bus gets 7 mpg with the generator running. The bus sleeps about 8+ just depending the situation. It has 4 A/C Units on the roof with heat as well. This bus was built for Willie Nelson in the 80s. The bus is in great working condition without any issues. If you have any questions call or text show contact info. Cash is the preferred method of payment. No trades or financing.

About Lorraine Sommerfeld